When someone you’re getting to know, on the dating scene, suddenly disappears without a trace, it’s probable that you’re being ghosted. Ghosting has become increasingly commonplace because abruptly ending communication with another person without any explanation, and vanishing like a ghost, is much easier than taking ownership of actions, feelings and emotions.
Ghosting can occur in the initial stages of a budding friendship or romantic connection, or in the middle of one, just when you think you’ve bonded and are starting to feel a sense of trust and emotional security. It can also be an especially cruel way to end a romantic relationship.
Although it commonly happens in the dating world, ghosting can also negatively impact your social life – both online and in person.
The emotional impact
As ghosting seemingly occurs out of nowhere, it can be difficult to know how to react. The lack of communication means that you’re not aware of the cause or reason for the stony silence. When you’re stuck in a constant loop of questioning everything about the connection or relationship that you thought you knew, your emotional wellbeing becomes detrimentally impacted.
Attempts to gain clarification may be met with no response whatsoever. When you’ve been ghosted, it’s normal to experience intense feelings of frustration as your calls, texts, emails, or social media messages are totally ignored.
The sudden, out of nowhere rejection may trigger emotional pain, grief and feelings of anger, especially if you’ve known the ghoster for a while and have shared lots of personal information with them.
Being ghosted can erode your self-esteem and will make you wonder what you did wrong, and what’s wrong with you. It could also reactivate old wounds caused by past rejections and make you question your worth.
After being ghosted, it’s not unusual to feel stuck in life and not know how to move on.
Communicating with a ghoster
Not knowing the reason why ghosting occurred, and being forced to deal with it, is often more painful than knowing the real reason why someone has chosen to vanish from your life. As painful as it may initially feel, you really don’t need to know the reason why you’ve been ghosted, to be able to move beyond the experience. Sometimes you just need to create closure for yourself, if someone is not willing to meet you half way.
If, and when, the ghoster finally decides to reply to a phone call, text or email you have sent, it’s important to detach from any outcome and ensure the communication is all about them.
While asking if everything is okay with them is polite and fine to do, it’s essential that the focus of the conversation is why they have chosen to blank you. Give the ghoster an opportunity to explain and then say whatever you need or want to say. Not feeling like a victim will help you to move on from this toxic situation.
Remove reminders
It’s not good for your mental health and emotional wellbeing to have constant reminders of the person who ghosted you. To feel empowered, remove or delete all social media contact, and old photos and mementos that remind you of them.
Take time to process
Ghosting can feel as painful as a betrayal. To protect your heart, it’s natural to put your guard up. But it’s never a good idea to ignore your feelings or push them away.
Give yourself all the time that you need to process what has happened, and to reframe the experience – ghosting highlight’s someone else’s character, immaturity and limitations, not yours. Allow yourself to openly express the feelings that you didn’t have an opportunity to address with the person who has varnished from your life.
In the absence of answers, learn to practice self-compassion. Imagine how you would support a friend in a similar situation, and give yourself the comfort, kindness, understanding and support that you need.
Writing a letter expressing everything you feel and what you didn’t have the chance to say can be helpful in your emotional healing. Once you have written everything you want to express, rip the letter up and burn it to release negativity.
Review personal boundaries
Reviewing your boundaries enables you to reaffirm your own values. Having healthy boundaries will help you to spot early signs of red flag behaviour that you will no longer tolerate from other people.
Seek support
The grief that’s associated with being ghosted is commonly known as disenfranchised grief. Unlike with socially accepted, formal forms of grieving and dealing with loss that offer some type of closure or a support group, someone who has been ghosted is left on their own to deal with it. Friends and family may not have an understanding of what you’re experiencing, and may simply suggest that you just move on.
Having a strong support network in your life is important for all forms of healing. Reach out to people you feel safe with. Seek out the support of family members and close friends who you trust and can rely on. Reconnecting with individuals that you haven’t spoken to for a while can also help to shift your focus from being ghosted to moving on.
On Chat2Date – the UK’s busiest phone chat line – you can chat and flirt with friendly folk nationwide, with no pressure to share personal information. It’s a fun experience to detach from self-blame and to reclaim your power, while chatting to a hot guy or girl. You’ll have full control of establishing a connection at your own pace, and be able to exercise your new healthy boundaries too.